Prepared and novelty foods rarely catch my interest mainly because I think everything tastes better and is healthier when made from scratch. However, sometimes a food comes along that changes my mind.
A few weeks after coming home from the rehabilitation hospital, my entire digestive system went on strike. Simultaneously, I decided to stop taking my Hydrocodone (Codeine) pills, which probably contributed to my general malaise.
My doctor told me to eat BRAT: Bananas, rice, applesauce and toast. The bananas were okay. The rice was agony and I gave up eating it after a few days. I don’t particularly care for applesauce and eating plain toast is like eating an entire hard boiled egg at once. After a few chews, you wonder how you’re going to swallow.
My mother recommended eating boiled potatoes. Rich thought it was a good idea, but wasn’t ecstatic with peeling and boiling potatoes. Since I could barely tolerate hearing the word "food" let alone prepare it, I wasn’t about to start peeling potatoes. Rich therefore bought a box of Idahoan Baby Reds Flavored Mashed Potatoes, complete with diglycerides, stearolkyl, lactylate, pyrophosphate, sodium bisulfite, and other charming ingredients.
Skeptical, but very hungry, I opened a package; added two cups of water then tossed the bowl into the microwave. It was love at first bite. For two weeks, my lunch and dinner of choice was powdered mashed potatoes.
Recently introduced and also dear to my heart is KRAFT Grate-It-Fresh Parmesan Cheese. The container is about the same size and shape as conventional grated and questionable Parmesan cheese (it doesn’t melt so it’s more akin to plastic than cheese).
Inside the clear plastic KRAFT Grate-It-Fresh container is a chunk of Parmesan cheese. When you turn the built-in grater in the top of the container, incredibly thin, long strands of luscious Parmesan cheese float onto your plate like snow falling from the sky. A few twists and you have a delicate pile of cheese that melts in your mouth.
Finally, I’m always harping on Rich for the amount of fresh ground pepper he puts on everything. After welding a pepper grinder, you have to shovel away the refuse to find the food beneath. I purposely over-pepper food just to see if he’ll add more! And not surprisingly, he does.
Rich gets the last laugh because I’ve now become a compulsive "grinder." My habit, however, is more gentrified. I’ve discovered the Kirkland Signature (Costco) Lemon & Tellicherry Pepper Grinder. This delectable blend of Tellicherry (no ordinary) black pepper, dehydrated lemon peel, dehydrated onion, Mediterranean (forget Morton’s) sea salt, dehydrated garlic, and citric acid peps up everything.