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Innovation #26: Understanding

07 Saturday Sep 2013

Posted by rajalary in Invocations, Rose's Writings

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Julie Lary, rajalary, rose ridnor, rosh hashanah, understanding, Yom Kippur

It is asked, “Understanding, how it can be attained?”

Understanding does not come of its own accord. It must be pursued, searched out. There are many roads to understanding as we care to explore, but it must start with one’s own self.

It means laying bare our virtues and flaws so we may get to know why we say, and do, and feel as we do, along with the motives that drive us.

It means getting to know other people, their views and reasoning, for through them we get clues and insights into the ways we function.

It means facing ourselves with honesty, and others with eyes not glossed over with prejudice or envy, or ears not shut down with disinterest.

It means sharing the lives of other people, in any small way, so we may know the full range of human emotions, and learn the meaning of empathy and compassion.

The more we travel the roads to understanding, the closer we get to understand the importance of understanding if we are to live in harmony with oneself and others.

I’ve pondered what my grandmother wrote in this innovation for a few weeks. Rather than referring to “understanding,” I think a better word would be “introspection,” the process of carefully examining your own feelings, thoughts, and ideas.

“Understanding” seems too vague, especially when suggesting the need to face oneself with honesty, not glossing over prejudice or envy, or disregarding another because you’re disinterested… or too myopic to consider another point-of-view.

Understanding one’s self is particularly relevant with Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year, last Thursday, and Yom Kippur, Day of Atonement, on Saturday. This is the time of the year to when God inscribes each person’s fate for the coming year into the Book of Live, and then waits until Yom Kippur to “seal” the verdict.

During the Days of Awe, between Rose Hashanah and Yom Kippur, one tries to amend his or her behavior and seek forgiveness for wrongs done against God, and others. The hope is that by the end of Yom Kippur, one has been forgiven by God, and granted another year of life.

As my grandmother wrote, the more one travels the roads to understanding, the closer they get to understanding the importance of living in harmony with themselves and others. But understanding isn’t enough. What’s necessary is recognizing one’s shortcomings, determining if they need to change, and then working towards amending them.

Not all shortcomings are bad. Understanding which ones impact your quality of life, and the lives of others is the key.

My grandmother was known for critiquing other’s writing. If someone sent her a letter, she more often than not, sent it back with “redlines,” indicating how it could be better written. Most people found this habit rather irritating, if not insulting. After all, they took the time to write, and she showed her gratitude, but correcting their grammar.

She was most brutal on my writing, correcting my papers every Saturday when she visited. This trait, however, transformed me into a pretty good writer.

I also understand why she was so critical of my writing. Her dream was to become a journalist or short story author. Even though her native language was Russian, and she was in her teens when she came to America, she’d mastered English, speaking without an accent, and using words that were more typically found in a dictionary than rolling off the tongue.

She’d taken numerous writing classes, writing stacks of articles, observations, poems, stories, and in a play or two. In her later life, she wrote invocations for her senior citizens group. Until she took her last breadth, she was scribbling her thoughts on scraps of paper, most illegible, using crayons because it was too difficult for her to hold a pen or pencil.

I understand myself partially because I understood my grandmother. And with the New Year, I’ll strive to better understand and recognize my flaws, and work towards being a better person to myself and others.

Invocation #16: Rosh Hashanah

15 Wednesday Aug 2012

Posted by rajalary in Invocations

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invocation, Julie Lary, rajalary, rose ridnor, rosh hashanah

By the Hebrew calendar, we are approaching the dawn of a new year.

For us, crossing the threshold into a new year is not a time for boisterous celebration or frivolity. It is a time for serious introspection, looking within and taking stock of ourselves and our actions.

It is a time for facing our failings and resolving to improve the conduct of our lives in the coming year. It is also an opportunity to confession to ourselves.

We shall do that, O Lord, but we cannot promise to become saintly beings, to be ever thoughtful, giving and caring. We cannot promise to do no wrong, and cause no hurt, unintentional as it may be.

We can promise only to do the best we can, and the most we can — to strive to live in peace with ourselves and those around us and never bear malice towards another.

May our promise be acceptable to You, O Lord, and serve as a guiding light to ourselves.

I’m munching on Cheetos while I contemplate whether there’s a hidden message in what my grandmother wrote. The phrase, which keeps sticking in my mind, is “never bear malice toward another.” Yet, in the previous sentence, she wrote “… promise to do no wrong, and cause no hurt…”

Malice is the intent to do harm. It can be emotional, physical or an unlawful activity that hurts another. Promising not to hurt people through unlawful or physical activities isn’t difficult. Anticipating how an action could cause emotional hurt isn’t as easy.

A word said in jest, a smirk, casual comment or ignoring or overlooking someone’s immediate needs can hurt another’s feeling. And depending on what took place, the pain could be worse than physical harm.

Is a child more hurt than a spanking or being called stupid? Does the stink of being called a fatty worse than being pushed or defamed?

While it’s challenging to avoid emotionally hurting another — with a careless word or failing to respond to their needs — as my grandmother wrote, you can aim not to bear malice towards another. You can do your best to treat others with respect, responding to their calls and letters, providing support when needed, and sometimes putting their needs before your own.

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